Friday, April 16, 2010

We are the truth



In response to the heartbreaking story from last week of little 7 year old Artyem Saviliev’s being sent back to Russia, there is a campaign underway called "Tell the Truth", it is a way of relating successful stories of adoption.

The following is my family's story.

I have always wanted to be a mom, as a child I loved playing with my dolls and being their mom, I babysat well through my teen years and as an adult I babysat for my sisters kids and for the kids of friends, I just loved and enjoyed being with them. I somehow always knew in my soul that I would never have biological children, I just knew. Years ago when the Romanian orphanage's were at the forefront of the news I recall my sister saying to me "You should look into adopting from there", I was not at that time at a point in my life when I thought I could do it, but I kept that thought "on file".

Finally I knew I HAD to be a mom and set about fulfilling that life long dream. I did hours and hours of research, emailed lots of people, read a ton of blogs, talked to people who I did not know at the time, but who have since become great friends. I decided that I loved the program in Kazakhstan and knew that is where my future child lived.

I filled out reams of papers, submitted fingerprints, submitted myself to "interrogation" from my social worker, had medicals and was at last ready to submit my dossier. Finally in December of 2005 my dossier was registered in Kazakhstan, then on April 27, 2006 at 4:08PM I got the call I had been waiting for...there was a child waiting for me to be her mom!! From that exact moment I knew this was my child, that whatever they told me would not matter, she was my daughter. As soon as I saw a picture of her, I cried.....and the oddest feeling crept over me.... I knew her, I saw her face and I knew her.

When we met I like to think we bonded pretty fast and hard....to this day Ciera is very attached to me. Our personalities are very similar and we both love to be active and be out doing stuff. Fast forward 4 years and I cannot imagine my life without her. She saved my life, she is my reason to get up every single day. I have learnt alot from her....to slow down, not hold a grudge, to look at the simple things and to hug lots!!

Before travelling to Kazakhstan I did a ton of research on adoption, reads lots of articles and books, I was prepared for the worst possible scenarios, I had my "village" at the ready and I knew who I could call when I needed them. While I was prepared for the worst we had a reasonably easy adjustment. I've had a couple of times where I did not know how to handle a situation that occurred and I felt no shame in calling and asking for help and guidance. Ciera has been followed by our local child development group and I did not feel at all intimidated or shamed by being referred to for other services as I knew it was truly in the best interests of my child to give her every opportunity to grow and learn and catch up on her development. Today she is a happy, well adjusted almost 5 year old who, despite a rough start to her life, is now at a par developmentally with her peers.

Along the way I found I loved being a mom so much I decided to be a mom of two....I figured out how to finance it, filled out more paperwork all over again and now 28 months after starting the process again I wait for the next call saying "there is a child waiting for you"!

Our life is not about adoption, sure we talk about it alot lately, but I'm guessing it's because we are waiting to go back for a sibling. Ciera is very aware that she is adopted and what it means, that she did not grow in my tummy but in her birth mothers tummy. There are many days that we don't even think about it...I have even caught myself saying things like "well she could end up being left handed as my brother is" (I found out later he is not but that's not the point!!). She is my daughter....period. Sure we have arguments and fights, but she's my daughter...just like I tell her every single night since she has come home "I love you always and forever, no matter what, I'm always your mom and you are always my baby". We have a plaque on our hallway wall, that I found at a craft show a couple of year back and my eyes filled with tears when I saw it....it's now surrounded by pictures of Ciera, the plaque reads "Family Forever, for always, no matter what" and that's exactly what we are...family.....not by blood but by how it matters the most, in our hearts.

There is an adoption saying that is so very true "you didn't grow under my heart...you grew in it".

I love my daughter with all my heart, when she hurts, I hurt, we are connected of that I have no doubt at all. My heart breaks for Artyem, I cry every time I read his story. I pray he finds his forever family soon and that his heart and his soul heal from all the pain and suffering that a 7 year old should know nothing about.